I am not sure what feeling I am supposed to be thinking or feeling these last few weeks. I woke last night, turned to look at my clock, did the quick math in my head that I could get 4 more hours of sleep but I first had to quickly use my notes app on my iPhone to jot these things down that were swarming in my head from the day. My brain would not turn off and was going on overload. I don’t cope very well when I get to this point and it’s one reason I journal.
It has been one of those times where you can’t say, the stars have aligned as a good phrase but I guess you could say, they aligned in an extremely high speed, hectic, busy and vibrant similar to a meteor shower kind of way. I don’t bring it on myself it just seems to get very busy, emergencies happen and everything gets overwhelming at times. We all have had this same feeling one time or another and only if we could have a recording to explain or a magic wand to get back on track. It’s really how you handle these feelings that matters most right?
Here is what I jotted at 2am last night from yesterday’s happenings:
My current situation:
ARD Meeting: Successful
Reply today from Duke University: Hopeful
Cameron cutting his thumb (almost off): Worried
Cody’s ABA Programs: Regression and Challenging
Brad’s extra little surprise at work: Proud
My Customer Focused plan for work: Exciting and Overwhelming
Email from Ellen: Inspired
Not being able to blog last few weeks: Unhealthy
Garden boxes collapsing: Exhausted
Brad’s $2200 truck repair: Shocked
Materials Needed and iPad prologquo2go Updates for Cody’s Therapy Programs: Need more time in a day
You can see some of these feeling are not all bad and actually worth celebrating. But when you have all these BIG things swarming and multiplying on a daily basis at some point you break, shut down or want to run to the hut you once wanted to build that you named, “Nacho Mama’s” on a beach island somewhere beautiful. So now, I step back, prioritize, pray and focus on what’s important right now and then dive back into my daily ciaos slowly until it moves and a reasonable pace.
I read an article the other day about a mom sharing a story about her sons anxiety. There was so much I could relate too especially since I have lived with anxiety myself for many years. Mine peeked in my early 20’s and took some time for me to learn how to cope, manage and live with anxiety. It took me some time to learn to understand that my anxiety was a part of me. You see, it never goes away and for me, it peaks at different times depending what’s going on in my life. Sometimes the heaviest things do not affect me but something that may be small to others will just put me in overload. Anxiety also has a side not everyone sees and I hear this often with me. From the outside I can appear perfectly happy and normal but inside dealing with a lot. Similar to what some people say about social media. A lot of your “Friends” appear to have a very normal, healthy life and not going to post the bad.
Watching Cody, I do believe his worries seem to grow as he is growing up. Its small things right now but worth me watching and observing his everyday behaviors to stay in tuned with his body language especially since he in non-verbal. Anxiety is tricky. A lot of times it’s tough to realize that some bad behaviors are driven because of anxiety and the more you try to push them in situations that are not comfortable with the worse it can get. Knowing his triggers is important to know so I can realize when he faces these uncomfortable times.
I also believe the world needs to have a better understanding of anxiety and realize it’s a real thing and something that we could all benefit by collaboratively working with parents, and talking to others openly. Bouncing ideas off each other in order to support our children effectively can benefit parents that may not understand anxiety but might be parenting a child that does have it. I would never say I have an advantage on some because I do suffer with anxiety but since it is a part of who I am and something I live with everyday, I might as well share my experiences and how I live with it every day.
When stress and anxiety affects the brain, with its many nerve connections, the rest of the body feels the impact as well. How do you manage your stress and anxiety?