(Inhale) Exhale.


I am not sure what feeling I am supposed to be thinking or feeling these last few weeks. I woke last night, turned to look at my clock, did the quick math in my head that I could get 4 more hours of sleep but I first had to quickly use my notes app on my iPhone to jot these things down that were swarming in my head from the day.   My brain would not turn off and was going on overload.  I don’t cope very well when I get to this point  and it’s one reason I journal.

It has been one of those times where you can’t say, the stars have aligned as a good phrase but I guess you could say, they aligned in an extremely high speed,  hectic, busy and vibrant similar to a meteor shower kind of way.  I don’t bring it on myself it just seems to get very busy, emergencies happen and everything gets overwhelming at times.  We all have had this same feeling one time or another and only if we could have a recording to explain or a magic wand to get back on track.  It’s really how you handle these feelings that matters most right?

Here is what I jotted at 2am last night from yesterday’s happenings:

My current situation:

ARD Meeting: Successful

Reply today from Duke University: Hopeful

Cameron cutting his thumb (almost off): Worried  

Cody’s ABA Programs: Regression and Challenging  

Brad’s extra little surprise at work: Proud 

My Customer Focused plan for work:  Exciting and Overwhelming 

Email from Ellen: Inspired

Not being able to blog last few weeks: Unhealthy

Garden boxes collapsing: Exhausted

Brad’s $2200 truck repair:  Shocked

Materials Needed and iPad prologquo2go Updates for Cody’s Therapy Programs: Need more time in a day 


You can see some of these feeling are not all bad and actually worth celebrating.  But when you have all these BIG things swarming and multiplying on a daily basis at some point you break, shut down or want to run to the hut you once wanted to build that you named, “Nacho Mama’s” on a beach island somewhere beautiful.  So now, I step back, prioritize, pray and focus on what’s important right now and then dive back into my daily ciaos slowly until it moves and a reasonable pace.

 I read an article the other day about a mom sharing a story about her sons anxiety.  There was so much I could relate too especially since I have lived with anxiety myself for many years.  Mine peeked in my early 20’s and took some time for me to learn how to cope, manage and live with anxiety. It took me some time to learn to understand that my anxiety was a part of me. You see, it never goes away and for me, it peaks at different times depending what’s going on in my life.  Sometimes the heaviest things do not affect me but something that may be small to others will just put me in overload. Anxiety also has a side not everyone sees and I hear this often with me.  From the outside I can appear perfectly happy and normal but inside dealing with a lot. Similar to what some people say about social media.  A lot of your “Friends”  appear to have a very normal, healthy life and not going to post the bad.

Watching Cody, I do believe his worries seem to grow as he is growing up. Its small things right now but worth me watching and observing his everyday behaviors to stay in tuned with his body language especially since he in non-verbal.  Anxiety is tricky. A lot of times it’s tough to realize that some bad behaviors are driven because of anxiety and the more you try to push them in situations that are not comfortable with the worse it can get.  Knowing his triggers is important to know so I can realize when he faces these uncomfortable times.

I also believe the world needs to have a better understanding of anxiety and realize it’s a real thing and something that we could all benefit by collaboratively working with parents, and talking to others openly. Bouncing ideas off each other in order to support our children effectively can benefit parents that may not understand anxiety but might be parenting a child that does have it.  I would never say I have an advantage on some because I do suffer with anxiety but since it is a part of who I am and something I live with everyday, I might as well share my experiences and how I live with it every day.

When stress and anxiety affects the brain, with its many nerve connections, the rest of the body feels the impact as well.  How do you manage your stress and anxiety?

Published by mamalamaneustupa

Bio My name is Shelley Neustupa. I am a mother of two cool boys and a wife of 22 years to my high school sweetheart. My oldest son attends the University of Oklahoma. Boomer! My youngest is in 2nd grade and was diagnosed with Autism and Mixed Receptive Expressive Disorder at age 2. Since his diagnosis, I promised him I would advocate and educate as hard as he works each day in therapy. I began writing and have been able to touch many parents that may be new to this journey providing them with actual experiences (not candy coated), support and resources through my entries. Writing is my therapy and my hope one day that my nonverbal son will be able to take these diaries and speak about his own journey and how autism relates to his own experiences. Who knows he and his older brother may become National Speaker’s one day? Come along on our journey to better understand our lives through the eyes of a boy with autism, his Skilled Companion dog Jude, his big brother (and best friend) and mom and dad. My raw vulnerability captures the everyday moments of our journey and will bring even more awareness. A week does not go by where we do not learn something new about ourselves and I want to share these chapters with you. My Sons Undeniable Strengths… Extremely smart and figures out things quickly. Has a memory that allows him to remember more things than I could ever hope for. Persuasive by his personality and sheepish looks. Overabundance of stamina and strength. Loves the outdoors. Enjoys life and always has fun with an unforgettable smile. You can find us here: Writer: Autism Through His Eyes Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest Canine Companions for Independence News Interview Cody and Skilled Companion Jude - Our Story

2 thoughts on “(Inhale) Exhale.

  1. As a human being I think having anxiety is a “given” throughout anyone’s life. And some have stress that is very difficult to sustain. Shelley, you are courageous to recognize and publicize and educate others regarding your anxiety. You are also open to others who might have suggestions and comments on this subject. Now why is this? I think it is because you have a PURPOSE and it is called FAMILY! But you are a part of this family so be kind to yourself as you are to Brad, Cameron, and Cody. Take some deep breaths.
    Don’t be hard on yourself as you are doing such a super job in managing your role as Mama. I love you
    so much and will do whatever you tell me if I can be of any help.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mom. When Lily almost fell thru the footboard and hope chest last night off the foot of the bed because she is 100% blind. This happened while Brad was getting into the bed …. we both could not stop laughing because at this point, what more could you do? Yes poor Lily, but we both had no more tears to shed so we laughed a few minutes!


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