This will be short and sweet and a bit selfish and not my happy normal self who typically always sees that glass half full. I have not been able to write last few weeks and its bottling up and it got the best of me this morning. Brad and Cody were at the breakfast table and I just started crying. The stress has won.
I should be relaxed and getting into vacation mode since I am leaving for a really amazing trip in 4 hours for a long weekend and instead I can’t stop crying. I question myself especially since I have been trying and I can’t seem to get in that state of mind? I know getting away will help me clear my head so I can come back stronger. I guess it’s just extra tough because it’s been such a challenging fall for multi reasons with his therapy.
I am certain I know why and it’s not something that I can shake off because as a Mom my worries keep growing deeper and deeper and I must be the advocate for Cody and take action. Doesn’t help either when both boys get sick and now you feel like you have a touch of it too!
I want to celebrate life’s little victories with Cody but there has not been too many lately and the focus seems scattered. My worries of open enrollment insurance are starting to set in too. And then to top it all off when I start thinking about Cody’s future therapy plan for the next 24 months and I dig into his reporting comparing his VB-MAPP year over year; it becomes that constant ugly reminder developmentally where we are at. I know it’s not the test all end all because there are other areas he is thriving in but it’s still disheartening to review.
My hopes are to get this on paper so it will release so I can then line up on the starting line with my best friends this weekend and get to the finish line refreshed and recharged. I need to get my mind back to where it needs to be to so I can start all over Monday.
On a positive note, Cameron is thriving academically! He knows he has a catcher mitten in his new future if he gets all A’s this semester. Plus, tonight he letters as a Freshman with the Marcus Clay Target Team. He also is getting a lot of baseball play in with JV and Varsity at his school. Catching some fast pitchers has been a fun challenge for him and a great experience to grow.
So in a Shelley fashion way I guess releasing my words is similar to the trees not clinging to their leaves this fall. Its about releasing old to make way for the new. I will still try to find ways to always see the glass half full even when it may fill with tears – it’s not all so bad, I am just struggling a bit right now with Cody’s future.