Hanging On

This will be short and sweet and a bit selfish and not my happy normal self who typically always sees that glass half full. I have not been able to write last few weeks and its bottling up and it got the best of me this morning.  Brad and Cody were at the breakfast table and I just started crying. The stress has won.


I should be relaxed and getting into vacation mode since I am leaving for a really amazing trip in 4 hours for a long weekend and instead I can’t stop crying.  I question myself especially since I have been trying and I can’t seem to get in that state of mind?  I know getting away will help me clear my head so I can come back stronger.  I guess it’s just extra tough because it’s been such a challenging fall for multi reasons with his therapy.

I am certain I know why and it’s not something that I can shake off because as a Mom my worries keep growing deeper and deeper and I must be the advocate for Cody and take action.  Doesn’t help either when both boys get sick and now you feel like you have a touch of it too!

I want to celebrate life’s little victories with Cody but there has not been too many lately and the focus seems scattered.  My worries of open enrollment insurance are starting to set in too. And then to top it all off when I start thinking about Cody’s future therapy plan for the next 24 months and I dig into his reporting comparing his VB-MAPP year over year; it becomes that constant ugly reminder developmentally where we are at.  I know it’s not the test all end all because there are other areas he is thriving in but it’s still disheartening to review.

My hopes are to get this on paper so it will release so I can then line up on the starting line with my best friends this weekend and get to the finish line refreshed and recharged.  I need to get my mind back to where it needs to be to so I can start all over Monday.


On a positive note, Cameron is thriving academically!  He knows he has a catcher mitten in his new future if he gets all A’s this semester.  Plus, tonight he letters as a Freshman with the Marcus Clay Target Team.  He also is getting a lot of baseball play in with JV and Varsity at his school. Catching some fast pitchers has been a fun challenge for him and a great experience to grow.

So in a Shelley fashion way I guess releasing my words is similar to the trees not clinging to their leaves this fall.  Its about releasing old to make way for the new.  I will still try to find ways to always see the glass half full even when it may fill with tears – it’s not all so bad, I am just struggling a bit right now with Cody’s future.


Published by mamalamaneustupa

Bio My name is Shelley Neustupa. I am a mother of two cool boys and a wife of 22 years to my high school sweetheart. My oldest son attends the University of Oklahoma. Boomer! My youngest is in 2nd grade and was diagnosed with Autism and Mixed Receptive Expressive Disorder at age 2. Since his diagnosis, I promised him I would advocate and educate as hard as he works each day in therapy. I began writing and have been able to touch many parents that may be new to this journey providing them with actual experiences (not candy coated), support and resources through my entries. Writing is my therapy and my hope one day that my nonverbal son will be able to take these diaries and speak about his own journey and how autism relates to his own experiences. Who knows he and his older brother may become National Speaker’s one day? Come along on our journey to better understand our lives through the eyes of a boy with autism, his Skilled Companion dog Jude, his big brother (and best friend) and mom and dad. My raw vulnerability captures the everyday moments of our journey and will bring even more awareness. A week does not go by where we do not learn something new about ourselves and I want to share these chapters with you. My Sons Undeniable Strengths… Extremely smart and figures out things quickly. Has a memory that allows him to remember more things than I could ever hope for. Persuasive by his personality and sheepish looks. Overabundance of stamina and strength. Loves the outdoors. Enjoys life and always has fun with an unforgettable smile. You can find us here: Writer: Autism Through His Eyes Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest Canine Companions for Independence News Interview Cody and Skilled Companion Jude - Our Story

3 thoughts on “Hanging On

  1. Let Go, Let God. Living one day at a time is the best remedy for me. The past is the past and never to be again. The future is unknown and completely out of our control. But we have TODAY. Live it to its
    fullest! Take some much deserved time for you this weekend. Your blog today is a much needed
    reminder that we can be vulnerable and allow our feelings and thoughts to be heard.
    I love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for sharing your emotions with us. Been there, done that (& am currently doing that again). It’s like your analogy with Fall- the realizations & sometimes shortcomings outshadow the victories in progress & like Seasons, the “weather” changes & evolves & goes from balmy Summer-Like days to cool & crisp days of walking with a pep in your step to torrential thunderstorms & floods & everything in between. Try to take comfort that at least he’s progressing, in however small ways that he is. Sometimes one of my mantras of “Think of how far he has come, not how far he still has yet to go” seem fitting. Even though progress may seem minimal, it is STILL progress. Think to 6 months ago or even a year ago & maybe that will give you back your “Glass 1/2 Full Mentality.” Hope your weekend re-energizes & re-invigorates you!

    Liked by 1 person

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