Having a tough time this morning.
Most of you witnessed pure joy seeing CR in his costume on social last night. I must admit it was pretty awesome watching how excited he got when I told him it was time to put on his Good Doctor costume and as you can see by the photos how Dr. Cody Rivers hammed it up with his 4 legged nurses by his side. We were waiting with excitement for the arrival of brother and daddy to get home from work so we could go out trick or treating as a family.
We headed out and decided to take the trail behind the house to connect to a busier neighborhood. Once we hit the end of the trail at the top of the street, just like that it triggered a meltdown. He wanted to turn back around and go home. He pointed with his entire hand and said over and over, “Let’s go that way. Let’s go that way. Let’s go that way.” We nudged a little more and even made it across the street and close to the first house and it just got worse.
Sometimes we don’t know why. You play the moment over and over trying to determine all the sensory triggers like was it the dogs barking behind the neighbors fence, was it something we said, was it the plane flying over, did something happen in his day that finally boiled over? Could it have been prevented?
Then it hits you that this was the exact spot where he did not like to cross the road on his bike rides recently. Why? In all seriousness, we really don’t know why. For whatever reason, to him that exact spot something happened and he has not forgotten and he just could move past it last-night.
So just like that, we headed home.
When he started to calm down, just as any school night, we started bedtime routine. I took a quick shower (needing a pause and a quick cry myself) and when I got out Cody came walking in wearing my shoes and asked me to, “put on shirt.” What breaks my heart the most about all of this is I truly believe he was trying in is way to say he was sorry. He does not owe any apology to anyone. We have noticed after he has a meltdown he tends to shows us in random ways. It crushes me because I know he can not help it.
Here is the thing, we have already learned not to set our expectations high and believe me we have already learned this but still it does not make it any easier. In our hearts, we know Cody wanted to trick or treat and unfortunately last night a hurdle jumped in our way unexpectedly.
His courage and strength is stronger than any person you will ever meet and I remind him of that all the time. Next year, we will try again (multiple trials) and maybe hit more trunk or treats and fall festivities before Halloween too so he can enjoy in some of that childhood fun too!
What we can’t lose site of is all the amazing progress he has gained over the last few weeks just because of one hurdle. Tomorrow is a new day.